Gr

grr Grr GRRRR
I think that's all I have to say right now without getting myself into trouble!

When is it enough?

Too many voices saying too many different things, maybe now I know how a schizophrenic feels, only these voices come from the lips of the many who just want to hear their own voice. How do I say enough is enough when I have so many responsibilities? Where can I find a place where who I am is accepted? My wings are not just clipped but their bond and tied, no one knows the power my wings poses or the beauty they hold. Even my voice, the voice I long to use to speak the truth is bottled up, unheard by those who only want to hear their own. How do I start the journey God has for me when I'm held captive by a place, a world, that demands such a high ransom? Is there anyone out there who will set me free, must I find my own means of escape or do I remain prisoner to those who can't and won't see me?

Concert!

The Taking Back Sunday/ANBERLIN concert Tuesday night was AMAZING!!!! TBS was ok but Anberlin was the best, of course seeing they are my favorite of the two I would say that, but I really do think they did the best job on stage. For those of you who don't know the the concert was moved from Janus Landing (my personal favorite venue) to The Ritz Ybor, which I think worked out better cause there were a lot of people there and it's was so hot outside, of course it was pretty dang hot out inside too, I haven't sweat that much in a while. I went with Alyson and Cody and we met Bubba and someone else there. The opening band, no idea what their name was, was not my favorite, but they weren't that bad, their style was a little more on the hard rock side compared to TBS and Anberlin, but the lead singer has dreads so that was a plus. There were people trying to do the whole crowd surfing thing, but security kept trying to put that to an end, I was very happy no one tried lifting me up, I might have punched someone out if they did. We did have a kinda close call when some half drunk chick tried starting something with Cody, but Alyson and I put a stop to that and I kept my eye on the girl cause she kept looking over at us and talking to some big guy. I'm still kinda bummed that I didn't meet anyone from either of the bands, we kinda left as soon as the concert was over so no posters either, but I'm hoping that Anberlin will be back in FL soon, seeing this is their home state. We got caught in the parking garage for an hour, which was Not fun at all, but still I had fun though and am looking forward to the next concert.

To Much...

This has been a week full of tears. From memories, to people leaving, to a changing point in a boys life. Everything is mixed up and crazy. Even now all I really want to do is cry some more and I don't really know what about, I just want a big thing of pop, chocolate, and whatever other comfort food I can get my hands on and I want to cry and eat... and watch a movie that will make me cry more. Grr!! I hate crying too. Someone, anyone, can I please just have a hug, I really don't know how much longer I can put on the strong face. I don't know, I'm going to bed. Sweet dreams world.

Are there words?

I'm not sure if I can find the words I need to say how powerful tonight was for me. Hearing Stephanie talk gave me a renewed strength that I thought I had lost a long time ago. She helped to restore courage that faded with each hurt that I've gained in the past few years, courage to look for the words to finish my own story and testimony. I maybe have a better understanding why God brought me to Florida, something I was really questioning a lot of late. Maybe now I can cry the tears I need to and some of those feelings that I've locked up so tight can begin to fade, wounds can heal and I can finally allow myself to feel the forgiveness that I need to feel for myself. 

Thank you, Daddy, for the life of others, thank you for being there in their trials so that they can be a light to others. Help me to live out the plan you've set before me, show me how to use the mistakes and the hurts of my past to serve and honor you and bring hope to those in pain. Thank you for the life of your son that makes me whole and white as snow. ~Amen   

Please I pray

Nothing constant remains

I can not break these chains.

There is no place for this 

ever changing face.

For my sake I will choose to

wake from this never ending dream.

With all the tears I shed I'll face my fears.

With dread I stand and forge ahead.

I bend knees in order to spread wings that

are tattered and torn.

My voice I pray be heard.

Father I cry out to you, Help me please I pray.

Please I pray, don't take it all away.